


The Magical Comedy

by BonnieBee101, theonetryingtolive



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Bisexual Female Character, Crossover, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Dwarf/Human Relationship(s), Dwarves, Elf/Human Relationship(s), Elves, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, F/M, Feminist Themes, Harry Potter References, LGBTQ Themes, Multi, Not Canon Compliant, Sexual Content, Threesome - F/M/M, Witchcraft, Witches
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-30
Updated: 2019-02-03
Packaged: 2019-10-19 09:59:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,376
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17599148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BonnieBee101/pseuds/BonnieBee101, https://archiveofourown.org/users/theonetryingtolive/pseuds/theonetryingtolive
Summary: The War had been over for seven years, and all Mina and Lovell wanted to do was go camping in the Scottish Highlands, not end up in a different world helping a group of dwarves, a hobbit and a wizard to get back home, a home stolen by a dragon? Mina just wanted to eat her dumpings in peace and Lovell wanted to be at home, reading and drinking tea.Nothing ever works out for them.





	1. 1

The battle of Hogwarts had been over for seven years, and on the date of each anniversary, Lovell and Mina had a small celebration of their own. It had been Mina’s idea, really, when she said she wanted to go camping for a night of stargazing, and both of them being Hufflepuffs, they were extremely well prepared. Both of them had an undetectable expandable spell for their bags and had them stuffed with anything they could possibly need. They had been walking for a long time when Mina suddenly stopped and made a motion for Lovell to stop as well. They listened to the quiet, to the stillness of the forest. It was too quiet, much too still. Life had stopped for a moment all around them, and Mina took her wand out. They advanced slowly when a bright flash of green light collided against a tree. And another, and another. 

“He’s hiding there!” Mina said, ducking behind a fallen tree. “Do you see him?”

“I see it!” Lovell replied, muttering under her breath, hiding behind another tree. 

“Fuck!” Mina yelled and shot a spell back at the wizard attacking them. She could see him a little clearer now that he’d walked closer, could see the mark on his forearm. “A fuckin’ Death Eater!”

Lovell didn’t reply, she was busy casting a spell to try and disarm him. Mina ran from her hiding spot to Lovell’s, grabbed her arm and began to tug her away. They stumbled away from the Death Eater, running as fast as they could, as far as they could. Lovell cursed when they stumbled down a hill. There were rocks at the bottom of the hill, and they both closed their eyes. 

Mina’s eyes opened slowly, and she looked around curiously. She’d expected to roll down the hill, hitting every rock on her way down, but somehow she’d managed to land on her feet, with her knees bent. She had an odd expression on her face, she couldn’t believe their luck. “We’re fine!” 

“Are we?” Lovell asked from behind her, she’d fallen and rolled all the way down the hill, her eyes closed, and she was currently a heap of clothes and limbs on the ground. “I’m not fine!”

Mina went to help Lovell up. “I think we lost him.”

“Did we?” Lovell looked around with a frown. “Looks like it. Come on, Mimi, let’s find a place to set up camp. We’ve had enough adventure for one day.”

They set up camp nearby. Lovell built a fire with her wand, while Mina unpacked their dinner. She passed her a bottle of water and bit into one of her dumplings. Every time they went camping, Mina made enough dumplings for the both of them. Mina sighed happily and dipped another dumpling in the sauce she’d brought. All in all, it hadn’t been a bad day.

 

Lovell meanwhile was cleaning the small cuts she had gotten from her fall, sitting inside the door of the tent that Mina had put up, Lovell had been really intrigued to see a tent being put together without magic. Although her own mother had been a witch as well, she never spent any time in the Muggle world, though this had changed since she had become friends with Mina Moore. The muggle girl had been sat alone in a compartment when Lovell had asked to sit with her, and that was the beginning of a friendship that had lasted through some difficult times. 

“If you keep eating those dumplings, you´re going to look like one,” Lovell told the woman stuffing her face with homemade dumplings, muggle food that Lovell had never before eaten in her life.

“Mean,” was the response that Lovell received from the dumpling eater sitting beside the fire, though Lovell couldn´t understand why she didn't use a warming spell to do this. Mina always told her that she was lazy for using magic all the time, but that was the way Lovell had been raised by her parents. 

“Where in Scotland do you think we ended up?”

Mina glanced over at her, a dumpling halfway to her mouth, looking around as well as she could, considering the sky had begun to get darker and the moon was hiding behind some clouds.“We can't be too far from where we were attacked,” Mina answered, though in all honesty, she couldn´t be completely sure, the hill they had fallen down was smaller now, and the rocks at the bottom weren't there anymore. “We'll figure it out in the morning, don´t worry about it, Thomas”

Lovell sighed in satisfaction, her wounds were clean, not looking as red or inflamed as when she had first started cleaning them, stretching her legs out in front of her, she pulled her hiking boots off to make sure there was no damaged “Mina, are your boots okay?” Mina nodded her head glancing over towards her friend. “Maybe we should get some rest, so we can get up early in the morning to find out where we are”

Mina put the fire out and headed towards the tent. “Maybe you should put up some protective enchantments? Make sure that Death Eater doesn’t find us”

Lovell agreed before coming outside into the cold, pulling her wand from its holster around her leg she raised it before she started whispering the protective enchantment walking around the small area where they had set up camp.

Mina knew this would take a while, so made her way into the tent to set up the sleeping bags side by side and she could hear Lovell walking around the campsite whispering her enchantments “Salvo hexia,” she murmured. This went on for a good ten minutes.

“Okay, I´m done, that should keep anyone from seeing us for now. Do you want to put up some of your own?”

“No, I trust your spell casting, Lovell.” 

 

There was a loud crashing sound that startled Mina awake and she ran outside and gasped. There was a group of...odd people there, one of them looking rather dazed after smacking himself against the shield Lovell had placed around their campsite. Mina rushed back inside, shaking Lovell awake. “Lovell! Lovell! Come and look!” 

 

Lovell groaned sitting up, shooting Mina a not so impressed look before making her way outside, she began to yawn, but this turned into a choking sound when she saw exactly what had caused Mina´s outburst, a group of small, hairy people were surrounding another small dazed-looking man on the floor. 

 

She heard a muffled voice asking the figure if he was okay “Oi, Bofur you alright?”

 

“Aye, aye,” he muttered, sitting up with difficulty. “Wha’ was tha’?”

 

Gandalf stepped forward with his staff pointed at the area that Bofur had smacked into, tapping it against whatever had caused the dwarf to fall. His staff hit what felt like a wall, although to the naked eye there was nothing there.

Lovell walked closer to inspect the figures crowding around her shield, though they couldn't see her or Mina, she needed to be careful. They could have been sent by the same madman that had attacked them the day before.

 

“What's going on, Lovell?”

 

“I don't know, Mina, stay in the tent.” Lovell crept even closer, although the closer she got to the figures, the more she was convinced that the old man could see her.

Mina frowned and gripped her wand tighter, but she didn’t retreat. “One of them can see us.” 

“Oi, Gandalf,” the man who had crashed against their barrier was standing now. “Wha’ is tha’?”

Lovell glanced over towards Mina, she pulled her wand and raised it to eye level. 

“Tell them to leave or somebody is going to get hurt,” Mina said, and Lovell’s head turned towards her friend in shock before she could even give her an answer the old man called out to them.

“Come out of there at once.”

“What should we do?” Mina stood up from her crouched position, gripping her want even tighter. Mina asked looking at her friend for some answered, Lovell just shook her head. 

“Just one of us goes out, and one stays protected in here.” Lovell was trying hard not to ask her friend to say inside the shield, Mina wasn´t known for her tact and was prone to annoying people.

“I´ll go and you stay in here as a backup, you have the advantage.” Lovell made sure her friend knew that there was no chance of Mina arguing her way out of this one. 

 

“Okay, I'll stay in here as back up and you go kick some ass.”

Lovell took a deep breath, looking towards Mina with a reassuring look before raising her wand and making a small passage in the shield before stepping out in front of the large group of male figures,

“Ah, hello there, my dear, and who might you be?”

Lovell looked at them all with distrust. “Lovell. And you are?” 

“My name is Gandalf, and these are my friends.” 

Mina kept looking anxiously from Gandalf to the others. Something wasn’t quite right, it didn’t seem right, somehow. She didn’t think they were...human. 

“Ah, why are your friends so small?”

The outrage was instant, with loud-voices yelling over each other and pushing one and other to try and make their voices heard.

Mina watched all this from her place inside the shield, moving back and forth, wanting to step out to help Lovell and stop them. Finally, she decided to do it. “Shut up! All of you!” 

Lovell's head tilted back to look at the sky, why couldn't her friend listen to her for once? Not that she was ungrateful, but it would have been nice for one. But her friend, although a Hufflepuff like herself, was raised by a Gryffindor. That's where the sass and no-nonsense attitude came from. 

“Back off!”

Mina had her wand pointing at Gandalf, coming up behind her friend, wand raised over Lovell's shoulder. They didn't look at all threatening, the smaller woman in the front, the taller woman covering her back.

“Another woman?”

“What're they doing out here alone?”

“How did they hide?”

Gandalf rested his arms on his staff, head tilted to the side, watching these strange women as they pointed what he thought were sticks at the group.

“Now, now ladies no need for that.”

“Why are you here?” Mina asked, frowning. “Who are you? Where do you come from?” 

“You have no right asking these questions,” Thorin said haughtily. 

“Excuse me? You are the ones that crashed against our camp! You! You are to blame!” Mina said, raising her voice just a little.

Lovell put her hand on her friend's arm, shaking her head at Mina. 

“They could be dangerous,” She whispered before glancing at the group standing before them, with weapons of some sort raised in defence. 

“We're not looking for any trouble, so go away,” Lovell told them, trying to make her voice sound louder and more confident than she was really feeling.

Thorin's eyes narrowed in anger, who were these mortal women to tell him and his companions to leave? They had attacked first, knocking Bofur to the ground with some sort of trap.

“You listen here, wench!” 

Mina’s eyes widened and she shook her head, switching to her native Spanish as she spoke. She was aware she couldn’t exactly blame them, but she was mad. “Listen to me, you stupid weasel of a man! You are an absolute idiot! If you had not been wandering around like idiots you wouldn’t have collided against our barrier!” 

“Mimi!” Lovell tugged her back, shaking her head. “Enough!”

Lovell had spent enough time with Mina and her family that she picked up Spanish and knew that her friend would rage in her native language when offended or annoyed. 

“Stop this nonsense at once!” Gandalf's voice boomed around them, and instantly, as though back at Hogwarts with Professor McGonagall they lowered their wands and heads.

“This couldn't get any worse,” Mina whispered to her friend, looking at her from the corner of her eye. Instantly a howl sounded around them and the group of men started shouting.

“Who did you tell of your quest?” Gandalf yelled at the leader, Thorin looked annoyed.

“No one.”

This continued for a short while before Gandalf intercepted “You are being hunted.” 

Mina’s eyes twinkled and she looked at her friend, then back at Gandalf. “Hunted? By someone dangerous?”

“Oi, lassie, don’t look so happy!” One of the others said with a frown.

“God, let's hope it's not that dickhead from yesterday,” Lovell said looking annoyed, although the same excitement was slowly building up inside her.

“Let's kick some ass!” Mina exclaimed, then smiled and murmured under her breath a spell to stop their footprints from showing. 

“We must hurry,” Gandalf said, already walking ahead of them. “They will not stop until they find us.”

“Wait, they’re coming?” One of the others asked with a startled expression on his face.

“We’re not staying here to be eaten by whatever it is you pissed off!” Lovell replied.

Thorin shot her a nasty look, which Lovell answered with her middle finger. Her friend grabbed her arm. “I'll grab our bags, you go with them and I'll catch up”

“Are you sure?’

Mina nodded her head, quickly disappearing back into the camp they'd set up, dismantling the tent and grabbing her and Lovell's bags. 

“Move faster!” One of the men snapped at Lovell. “Go, go, go!” 

Lovell shoved him away from her. “Fuck off!” 

“Enough fighting,” interrupted Gandalf. “Leave her alone, Nori.” 

Another noise came from the bushes behind Lovell, quickly jumping out of the way just in time for another weird old man dressed all in brown came out of nowhere. He was riding what looked like a sleigh, being pulled by large rabbits. 

“Mina’s going to have a fucking field day with this one,” Lovell muttered to herself, before glancing at the two older men talking amongst themselves, before Gandalf offered the man a smoking pipe which seemed to calm him down.

“Whatever that is, I want some,” Mina’s voice came from behind, Lovell quickly walked around her friend and the smug little shit man who had pushed her, watching intently as Mina’s eyes landed on the sleigh-pulling rabbits. 

“What the actual fuck?”

Lovell laughed, watching the way her friends' eyes widening at the large rabbits, “That is wrong on so many levels.”

“Why are the rabbits working?“ Mina asked, horrified. “No!” 

 

“What is wrong now?” Thorin asked with a sigh. “Why can’t these wenches go their own way?” 

“Why can’t you shut the fuck up?” Lovell replied, turning around to watch Mina’s meltdown over the poor rabbits, while doing so she spotted an even smaller looking man. He was cute, with curly brown hair and large hairy feet?

He must have noticed her staring at him because his face turned a beautiful shade of red and he turned away with his hands behind his back.

“Bunnies!” Mina was cradling one of them to her chest, kissing its head. The rabbit looked quite pleased with the treatment and didn’t squirm in her arms. “Bunnies shouldn’t work! They are miracles! Miracles, I tell you! Haven’t I always said it, Lovell? Miracles!”

Lovell honestly wanted the ground to open up and swallow her, she would pay for it to happen right now. Her friend’s obsession with rabbits was more of a personal and magical situation. Mina wasn’t just crazy about bunnies.

“Mina, you’re going to kill the poor creature, let it go.” 

“Gandalf, you have found yourself some witches!” Both girls heads raised, looking at each other in shock. How did the second crazy old man know that? They had the same thought running through their heads. “Busted.” Mina stood, still carrying the rabbit, holding it like one would an infant. They were approximately the same size. “Yeah? Well—you’re a wizard too! And you-you are cruel! You make bunnies work and work and they’re small! They’re not like horses! Horses are big and strong and they like to run, but bunnies are small and fluffy. You’re a fucking bully!” “Young lady,” the old man dressed in brown said. “My name is Radagast, and I can assure you my friends do not mind pulling my sleigh!” “Well, your name sounds like rat,” Mina said, hugging the bunny to herself. “Rat man. Stinky rat man makes bunnies work.” Instead of getting angry, the old man laughed. For that, Lovell was grateful, but now that the others knew what they were… “Witches? 

“I’ll have no witches travelling with me!”

“Dangerous!”

“They might kill us when our backs are turned!”

“I’ll kill you right now!” Lovell made her way towards the blonde haired man, standing with a darker haired male, she was so close to getting her hands on him, before Mina’s arm shot out and wrapped an arm around Lovell’s waist and stopped her from causing any damage.

“Lovell, calm down, for fuck’s sake!”

“I’ll show you calm, let me at him!” Mina was taller than her, though, and keeping her in place wasn’t too difficult, she was also a bit stronger, which made handling someone like Lovell easier.

“Some good may come of this,” Gandalf said slowly. “If we all manage to keep our temperaments in check.” He glanced at each of the men, and then at the two women. “If I may be so bold as to ask you two to accompany us the rest of our journey. I must say that having two magic users with us may prove advantageous in the long run.” 

Mina’s eyes narrowed. “What’s in it for us?” 

There were murmurs of disapproval from the men but it was Gandalf who spoke. “You must have already realised that you are not in the same place you were before. That is plain to see. If you help us, we will, in turn, help you get back to your home.” 

Mina pulled her friend away from the group slightly, so they could at least have a small amount of privacy and talked about the pros and cons of continuing with the group. 

“They could lead us somewhere and we could get help.”

“But they might be playing us, Mimi.”

“What can they do to us, that we can’t defend ourselves against?”

Lovell looked away for a second, glancing at the wizards and small men. She just wanted to get home and maybe finish the camping trip they had planned.

“Fine, but at the first sign of trouble I’m going to kill one of them.”

Mina fist bumped the air and threw her arms around her friend in glee. This was going to be great, they’d find out more about these small men, especially that small dark-haired one, and they might actually get some help and get the hell out of this place.

“And don’t even think about any funny business, Mimi.”

“Who me? Never.” Mimi gave her friend another smile and walked up to Gandalf. She stuck her hand out. “Deal.”

“Wonderful,” Gandalf said with a smile and a nod. “Then let us continue our journey. We must walk until sundown, at least.” 

“Hey, Rat man!” Mina called, scowling at him. “Do not make the bunnies work!” 

The old man laughed and made a bowing gesture. “As you say, my lady.”

There was another howl from somewhere, echoing around the area where they were all standing together.

“Hey, I don’t want to push any more buttons, but maybe we should get out of here?” Lovell was already pulling her rucksack onto her back, making her way towards the sleigh along with Radagast, where Mina joined them shortly after.

“Wait, shouldn’t we be going with Gandalf?”

“Do not worry yourself, young lady, I’ll drop you off soon. I would just like some help.”

Lovell looked over towards Mina, a slow smile made its way onto her face and almost immediately Mina was throwing her bag towards her friend.

“Don’t worry, I’ve got this. I’ll try to follow Gandalf and his band of merry men.”

Lovell watched in amusement at the reactions, because Mina had transformed into a small, white bunny rabbit. Being an Animagus was frowned upon, though they were not ‘legal’, they were not as illegal as they had been either. As soon as the world discovered how useful they could be, there was less prison time and fewer restrictions on their use of their animal forms. 

Both Lovell and Mina had decided almost instantly that they would complete the process of becoming Anamagi, where Mina found out she was a bunny rabbit and Lovell was an owl. The process wasn’t simple, it took skills, practice and patience for wizards and witches to become an Animagus. The process was both long and dangerous, sometimes backfiring and resulting in disasters, half-human and half-animal mutations.

The problematic thing about being a bunny was how small  
she was and how enormous everything else was in comparison. She ran behind the group, and when she finally caught up, she wanted to lie down and rest, but she couldn’t. Although… Mina rushed ahead and sat on her haunches, looking up at the man with hairy feet, her big eyes widening, and her ears falling behind her head. It was what Lovell often called her ‘begging’ position. As predicted, she was picked up, and now she not only was being carried, but she could hear the conversations better. 

“As I was saying,” Thorin continued. “We can’t trust those women. It is bad enough that they are out here on their own!” 

“I don’t see the problem,” Killi said with a shrug. “They’re witches.” 

“That’s the problem, that is!” Filli said, smacking his brother’s arm. “They’re witches!”

 

Mina was not happy, who did these people think they were to give them criticism and be rude? She was glad that she had overheard them, she’d warn Lovell to keep an eye out for them.

“We must not dawdle! Let us go!” 

Mina was jostled around by the man that had lifted her up, she almost wished she had gone with Lovell and the rat man. If she was in her human form. Mina would have definitely thrown up all over them.

They took cover under a rock formation after running for what seemed like hours, crouching low to avoid those creatures chasing them. Just as they made to move away from their hiding spot, they heard growling coming from above them, they instantly went quiet, nobody made a sound, not wanting to be found.

Mina watched in interested as the youngest man drew his bow up, quicker than she thought anyone of them could move, he had stepped out from their spot, fired an arrow up and hit the creature.

It landed, and it was hideous. Furry, with large teeth and saliva dripping from its mouth, and Mina was glad she didn’t have to be anywhere near a live one. She’d have crapped herself, in all honesty.

 

Mina was still snuggled against the man who had picked her up. As long as he didn’t drop her, all would be well. She peeked over his shoulder to look at the others, but none of them seemed to know what to do. For a few moments, they were frozen in place. Then they started to move, and Mina was placed inside the man’s bag. It was indignant, but at least it was warm. She kept her head out to watch the others as they walked. No one was speaking, and she wondered if they feared another beast appearing out of nowhere and attacking them. Could that happen? Mina looked around too. 

“Move quicker, Bilbo,” Thorin snapped. “You’re holding up the line.”

Mina wanted to throttle him, how dare he speak to such a cute man like that? Once she took her human form, she would give him a piece of her mind.

“You’re almost as useless as those women we have been forced to take with us.” Thorin nodded along with the comment made by a large, bald and tattooed man. Once this was over, she’d kill them all, slowly, and maybe spare the cute dark haired one, just because she could.

Where were Lovell and the rat man? They should have been here by now, but no sooner had she thought that they were running again and Mina was so happy she wasn’t actually running. They only running she and Lovell did anymore was running up the stairs to their bedrooms.

Then seemingly out of nowhere, Lovell came running from their left side, catching the attention of Thorin. Before he could say anything, Rat man rushed past them in his sleigh and beautiful bunnies. 

“We led them away, but there’s more coming,” Lovell said. “So hurry up.”

Mina was amused at how hard her friend was breathing, asthma sucked, and she was happy she didn’t have to suffer alongside her.

“Faster,” Gandalf said to the men. “We must move faster.”

“Where is the other one?” Bilbo asked Lovell. “Your friend, is she— did she die?” 

“Nah, I’m not that lucky.” Lovell laughed at the look of shock on Bilbo’s face. “I’m just joking, she’s around here and there.” 

Biblo nodded his head, though he didn’t truly trust these witches, they hadn’t done anything to make him dislike them either. Both women were pretty, he thought, though he hadn’t much experience with mortal women, for witches he thought they were.

“I’m glad you have come along, I feel much safer,” Biblo bowed his head to the woman. 

“Well, I can’t very well leave such a cute man by himself.” She replied smirking when he again went red and quickly walked away from her.

They walked for a long time, and Mina was glad she didn’t have to walk. From time to time the man carrying her would sneak food into his bag so she could eat, and she did. She dozed off at some point, with Lovell there it was easy to relax and let herself be lulled to sleep. She only woke when the bag she was in was placed down and she quickly got out. Before she could get far, though, someone else picked her up. 

“Oh, a rabbit,” the big bald man said. “We can make ourselves rabbit stew.” 

At that suggestion, Mina’s blood boiled and she bit his hand so hard he almost dropped her. She made her way up his arm to bite his throat. No one would be eating her! Especially not these idiots! 

Lovell rushed to grab Mina, for a bunny so small, she was hard to pull off of the man. She’d have defended him, but honestly, she couldn’t blame her friend for reacting that way, if someone had threatened to make rabbit stew out of her? She’d kill them.

“Mina, let go!”

Bilbo’s mouth dropped open, so that’s where the girl went. But they didn’t stand still for long, before being surrounded by those hideous creatures and their riders. Lovell raised her wand and shot a spell at the nearest one “Stupefy!” and both creature and rider were thrown onto the ground unconscious.

“Mina! Stay behind those bags!”

For once, Lovell was glad her friend had actually listened to her, moving behind the bags and ducking for cover. Both took a little longer to transform back, they didn’t really know why, but Lovell couldn’t risk Mina being hurt.

“Diffindo!” Mina peeked her head up from where she was hiding, watching in mild disgust as the hideous dog-like creature was severed in half by Lovell’s spell.

“Impedimenta!” The spell managed to slow the closest creature down and stopped its attack, while Gandalf herded the men towards a formation of rocks, before disappearing from view.

“Where’d he go?”

“He’s abandoned us!”

Of course, he hadn’t, and pretty soon he was yelling for the men to follow him down, down where neither women knew, but before Lovell could get close enough to grab Mina, Bilbo had already done so and she quickly followed leaving behind the sound of horns and growling.

“Thanks for grabbing her.” 

Bilbo shrugged. “It’s not a problem, miss.”

“Lovell. Lovell Thomas” She stuck her hand out. “It’s nice to meet you.”

 

“Oh, it’s nice to meet you too. And your friend.” Bilbo shook her hand and nodded to himself. “Bilbo Baggins.”

“Where are we going?” Lovell asked, frowning at the path that lay before them. 

“Well,” Bilbo said softly, petting Mina’s fur. “I am not sure. I have never been down here before. Thorin, where are we going?” 

“I do not know, keep your idiotic questions to yourself, Mr Baggins.” 

“You shouldn’t speak to him that way!” Lovell yelled. 

“Children,” Gandalf interrupted. “No more fighting.”

Lovell glared at Thorin, he was really getting on her nerves, once they were safe and camped out, she was going to give him a piece of her mind. Who spoke to someone like that? Except for, well, most Slytherins when annoyed. Like Draco Malfoy or his little pug Pansy Pattinson. 

“Mina won’t be staying like that, Bilbo.” Lovell laughed, watching Bilbo cuddle Mina. “Don’t get attached.”

Mina’s head popped over Bilbo’s shoulder, sticking her tongue out at her friend in frustration, this was the worst idea she’d ever had. Usually, they were okay, but she had missed out on the fight and was now being carried around like a child, which she actually, secretly, enjoyed.


	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mina gets to know Kili just a little better.

They had only been walking a short while when Mina had transformed back, startling Bilbo, being as he had been holding her, “Thanks for the ride, Bilbo.”

Her words were met with a shy smile and a soft, “You’re welcome.”

Lovell and Mina knew they weren’t welcome within the group, because it was a shock for everyone finding out that about witches, especially with the offensive representation in the muggle world. Mina thought back to Lovell seeing a Halloween costume once of a witch with a large nose, a hairy mole and green skin. The anger had been astounding, “How dare they!”

It was a fond memory of their friendship, Lovell would teach her about the lore of Magic, which Mina found to be very interesting, and in return, Mina allowed her friend to experience the muggle world as it truly was and not the twisted world her father had drawn in her mind.

“Where exactly are we going?”

Lovell didn’t have any answers for her friend, “I don’t know, but we’ll have to figure something out, once we find out where and when we are.”

Mina glanced back at her friend, “Yeah, we need to actually sit and think before we do anything stupid.”

The beam of light at the end of a tunnel caused them all to speed up, wanting to be out of this small passage; it was almost claustrophobic, and when they did make it, they took deep breaths of fresh air. There was nothing like a cooling breeze after being stuck somewhere that didn’t have any blowing through it, but an argument caused the peace to be thrown away quite abruptly and Lovell just wanted to relax and maybe eat some more dumplings, no need for them to go to waste.

“Elves? You have taken us to the enemy!”

Mina was sitting on one of the slightly larger rocks when she looked over her friend, “Elves?”

Lovell walked over to her, “I’m taking a guess, they probably aren’t the elves we’re used to, Mina.” It made sense really, though Elves existed in the Magical World, no sight of them had been seen in centuries.

“I’ve heard they’re wise, though, so maybe they can help us?” Mina nodded to herself, “I’m not holding out for it or anything, though.” Lovell hated to agree, but there was a chance they would be stuck here. But if the way Mina was looking at the dark-haired dwarf, then she probably didn’t want to leave.

“First witches and now elves!” Cried Thorin.

Lovell rolled her eyes, “Oh no, the world is ending.” Mina held her hand over her mouth, hiding her smile from wandering eyes, but anything else that was to be said was cut off by the sound of Gandalf’s voice.

“Come, they will give us help.”

“They’ll try to stop us, that’s what they will do!”

The argument, if allowed, would have gone on for hours, but they were all tired and all they wanted to do was eat and sleep, and they wouldn’t get any of those things if they stood around arguing.

Thorin obviously wasn’t happy, but from the looks he was getting from his company, he finally allowed them all to move forward, down into the valley, a beautiful place, really, and with so much to look at. But they were all caught off guard at the sound of voices, laughing and singing.

 

“Lovell,” Mina said in a whisper, clutching her friend’s arm. “They’re…”

“Elves,” Lovell replied in a voice just as low. “Elves, Mina.”

“I’ve never heard anything so beau—” A loud burp interrupted her, and both scowled at the man who had made the horrible sound.

“You ruin everything, we haven't even been here for an hour.”

None of them looked sorry for the noise they'd made, which was so rude in Lovell's opinion. Dwarves, she found, were rude and so loud.

Mina shook her head, pulling her friend down the path, she wanted to see the elves. Not just hear them, she wondered what they would look like, maybe hideous with beautiful voices, like the mermaids in the lake outside Hogwarts.

When they found them, though, they realised they weren’t hideous, not at all. Mina stared with wide eyes at them and squeezed Lovell’s hand. “They look like they’re carved from marble.”

“Oh no, they're cute.” Lovell was horrified, why on Earth did they have to be that attractive. It was the elf coming down the stairs that caught her eye. Beautiful.

“At least I was poetic,” Mina said with a soft laugh. “Lovell? Are you…okay?”

Lovell made a face of distress, “This is hell if they're all this cute. I'll drown myself.” She didn't even look at the dwarves, they made her feel bad, like she was a doing something illegal. 

“I bet I can sleep with one.”

“I'm not taking a bet, because that’s something you could do without a bet.”

Mina laughed and nodded at one of the elves. “Okay. Show me how it’s done.”

Laughing Lovell tugged Mina back towards the group, keeping an eye on the dwarves, they might insult someone and get them all kicked out, and she would rather ride a broom.

“Why are you looking at that dwarf, Mina? Small, dark and handsome? The elves not enough for you?”

“Me?” Mina asked, feigning innocence. “I’m but a simple, virginal girl.”

“Yeah, of course, you are. Though, I'm sure George Weasley would disagree.” Lovell laughed, catching the attention of the dwarves, elves and Gandalf.

“N-nothing happened with Georgie!” Mina had turned a bright shade of red. “Damn, Lovell!”

One of the dwarves was giving her a shy, small smile. Kili, Mina remembered.

“Or Fred? Or, you know, Oliver?”

Mina quickly had her friend in a headlock, that's what Lord Elrond and his guards rode in on, such a strange sight. Two mortal women, standing just away from a group of dwarves. 

“What is happening here?” Lord Elrond asked.

Mina jumped back and let go of Lovell, who stumbled to the ground. All this time away from Hogwarts and still fear of being scolded, she could still remember Professor McGonagall and her scolding voice, reprimanding her. 

“You're such a pain in my ass, Mina, this is bullying.”

Lovell didn't bother getting up from the floor, she just crossed her arms and legs and pouted until they could rest.

Once they were all sitting, Mina opened her bag and pulled out a Tupperware. She poked Lovell’s arm. “Who wants dumplings?”

“Me!” One of the dwarves said.

“They’re not for you!”

Lovell pouted at Mina, grabbing one before eating it miserably. They ignored the elves for a while,

“Lovell, are you crying?”

She was, tears falling down her cheeks, “I miss home and these dumplings are so good.”

Mina wasn't surprised, Lovell was known for being emotional, crying sometimes for no reason at all. “It’s okay. We’ll go home soon. I’ll even tell you all I never did about George.”

“I want all the juicy details,” Lovell said, sniffing, before remembering the elves; and when the dark-haired dwarf patted her on the back, she wasn't that mad about it.

“So,” the dwarf, Kili, said, sitting next to them. “You both are from far away.”

“We are. We met at school.”

“School? But you are women?”

Mina's mouth fell open in shock, “How dare you!” Lovell felt a smile coming on, Mina was proud of her education, especially when her parents allowed her to attend Hogwarts.

“Mina and I go way back, she's my best friend.

Mina then reached over and pinched her cheek, “Yes, she needed someone to save her from that pureblood father of hers.”

“What’s a pureblood?” Kili asked worth a frown.

“Well, where we come from, there are three different blood statuses. Mina is Muggle-born, so neither of her parents have magic. Only an ancestor or two, my mother is a Muggle, but my father is pureblood, which means he comes from old magic, bit of a shock for my grandparents when they found out. Which makes me a half-blood. Pureblood only make up a small portion of the wizarding world now because there's only so many times you can marry cousins to their cousins before they wipe their magic out.” Lovell finished her explanation, though Kili still looked slightly confused.

“It’s just stupid,” Mina said with a shrug. “But we just had a lot of problems at school because of that.”

“I was treated fine, most of the time, but not ending my friendship with Mina caused a few issues,” Lovell tilted her head to look at Mina, “But she's great, so I kept her.”

Mina pushed her shoulder, “I'm not a pet.”

 

They had been in Rivendell for five days, and Mina was ready to kill someone.

If she thought the dwarves were rude to her and Lovell, it was nothing compared to how they treated the elves and they were loud, she thanked Merlin every night for the elves giving Lovell and her rooms away from them.

She was currently laying on a bench while the dwarves were bathing in a fountain, she kept laughing at the look on Lovell’s face when she walked through the archway into the open space and caught sight of the dwarves naked.

Lovell had grown up with four older brothers, knowing that males, no matter what species, could be disgusting, but the dwarves were putting her own brothers to shame, “That’s mad disrespectful.” Lovell made her way over to where Mina was lounging, crouching by her side, “They look like hairy woodland creatures, something you’d find Hagrid hiding in his hut.” Mina had to sit up, she was laughing so hard she feared choking on her own spit.

“I enjoy their company,” Mina replied smirking at Lovell’s look of horror, “Especially Kili’s company.”

Lovell faked gagged, “You can’t go a week without wanting to fuck someone, honestly Mina, I think you’re a Nymphomaniac.” 

“How dare you, what would my mother think, you are talking about me like that?” 

“She’d probably agree,” Lovell smiled at Mina’s look of disbelief, “She heard all about you and those three at Christmas time a few years ago.”

“No!” Mins looked horrified. “No!”

“Oh, yes, yes she did.” 

“I hate you.” Mina rubbed her eyes and stood. “Just for that I won’t tell you where I’m going!”

Mina wandered around the streets for a while, humming to herself and wondering if what Lovell had said was true. She did like to have fun, but a little bit of fun never killed anyone. They were only going to live once, after all, and if she had her fun? Well, she wasn’t hurting anyone. Everything she did was safe, sane, and consensual. 

She sighed in frustration as she walked, and it looked like fortune was on her side because there he was. Mina didn’t look too closely at the dwarves, mostly because they appeared all to be very grumpy all the time, and not very clean. But this one looked nice, and especially now that he was sparkling clean. She gave him a smile, and his eyes widened, his cheeks turned a light shade of pink. He looked softer than usual, without his coat, and his tunic made him look much more approachable. 

“Hey, Kili,” Mina said with a soft smile and a small wave. “Come and sit with me.”

The dwarf looked at her with wide eyes and nodded numbly. Once he was sitting next to her, though, he didn’t know what to do, how to act, what to say. He’d never spent a lot of time with women and had never spent time with a witch on his own. The others were usually around, but now there were no dwarves, or elves, or hobbits. He felt suddenly vulnerable, but not in the way he would feel if he were facing an enemy. No, he felt vulnerable in a different, more intimate way. She was talking, about Rivendell and how beautiful it was, how strange and different it felt from her home. She spoke softly, without rushing, told him about the place she came from, and the friends she had, and the battle she had fought in. Kili placed a hand on top of hers when her voice shook, he felt foolish for an instant. It hadn’t occurred to him that she had ever been in a battle. He associated her closely with rabbits and had often observed her as she sat with her friend, bathed in the early morning light. 

“Should I stop talking?” Mina asked softly, looking at him. “Am I boring you?”

He didn’t want her to stop, so he shook his head, and moved his hand so their fingers were intertwined. “No. I like listening to your stories.”

Mina related a funny story of the time she and Lovell had snuck out of the castle to go to the forest because Mina wanted to befriend a thestral. In the end, they had succeeded, but the thestrals had been so fond of Mina they ended up sneaking inside the castle, and hiding in plain view, wreaking havoc wherever they went. 

Kili laughed and laughed, and squeezed her hand, leaned in closer. Mina moved closer too, placed her hand on his cheek, and kissed him. It was sweet, and short, and Mina pulled back first, to look into his eyes and make sure he was okay. Kili simply smiled and tugged her back in, to kiss her again, and again. Each new kiss brought them closer to each other, until Mina gave up on modesty and climbed on his lap. Kili stood with her in his arms, didn’t want to stop kissing her, but they had to get out from the public eye. 

They only made it to her room by some miracle, and the moment the door closed, Mina took off her shirt. Kili placed her down and took off his tunic. Mina kissed him as soon as she was able to and tugged him towards the bed. He was touching her, but not in the same way she was touching him. He seemed shy, and a little embarrassed to place his hands on her. Mina smiled, and unhooked her bra, let it fall beside the bed. Her trousers came next, then her pants, and soon enough she was pushing Kili to lay down in bed. He kissed him, and placed his hands on her breasts, encouraged him to touch her as much as he wanted. 

The noises he made when she touched his cock were music to her ears. She stroked him slowly, teasingly. His fingers were rough on her nipples and she felt the wetness between her legs grow. She kissed his neck, straddled him. 

“Are you ready?” She asked, still stroking him. 

“Yes,” he answered, voice a whisper, lips twitching. “Yes, yes, yes…” 

Mina lowered herself down on his cock and had to remind herself not to start riding him immediately. He was delicate. He probably had never been touched like this before, and she wanted his first time to be good. His hands moved down her body to her hips, he gripped them tightly, and she moved slowly, carefully. Up and down, her hands on his chest to stabilise herself. Curses and unintelligible words were tumbling down his lips with every move she made, and when she squeezed his cock, he arched his back, and closed his eyes. Yes. He was beautiful, and especially so when he was lost to his pleasure. 

Mina’s movements became erratic after a while, she’d been able to come once already, and since she showed him how to rub her clit he hadn’t stopped, and now she was close. She leaned down to kiss him frantically, deeply. He made a soft, strangled sound and bit his lip hard when he came. 

She laid exhausted in bed next to him, his arms around her. They both were still trying to catch their breaths. He was placing small kisses on his neck, his collarbone, and she ran her fingers through his hair until she fell asleep.

 

Lovell had watched in amusement as Mina walked away, knowing that she wasn’t truly angry or annoyed at her, she knew when her friends were joking around and when they weren’t.  
But this also left her alone, she wasn’t used to being on her own, she was always with Mina, her brothers, or friends, and she was still trying to figure herself out when a voice called out to her.

“Oi, lass, come ‘ere and sit with us.”

She stood up, walking over to where the dwarves were sitting around the table, well, almost all of them. She noticed straight away that one of them was missing, and she didn’t have to guess where he had gone off to, so she sat down at the end of the table.

“Where’d you come from then?”

Lovell looked confused for a second, “You called me over?” 

They all laughed. “No lass, when we found ya, where’d ya come from?”

She felt like such a tit. “Oh, Mina and I ran into come trouble and we somehow ended up here, I know, it doesn’t really make any sense. We’re confused about it too.”

“Ran into some trouble?”

Lovell nodded, “Yeah, there’s still some of The Dark Lord’s followers wandering around the Wizarding World, we ran into one of them, and here we are.” She then explained a little bit more of who she was, and about the war.

“Ah lass, aren’t ya too young to be fighting in wars?”

She quickly shook her head. “I’m twenty-four now, I was around seventeen when it happened, I think they’re still hoping he’ll come back again.”

She didn’t want to talk about it anymore, she’d lost some of her closest friends during the war, Lavender Brown being one of them, their fathers had been close friends themselves, and having grown up around each other it only made sense that they continued the friendship into their schooling. She’d been devastated when she found out about her death, dying was one thing, but having your throat ripped out by a werewolf was another.

“That’s why we were there, when you ran into my shield,” she glanced at the dwarf that had run into it, “Sorry about that, by the way.”

“Nah, it’s alright, lass.”

She prayed to Merlin Mina wasn’t going to take too long seducing Kili, Lovell wasn’t very good at small talk, neither with people she knew nor strangers.

“So, yer a witch, lass?”

She nodded and turned to look at the dwarf that had asked her, “I am, yeah.” They still didn’t look that comfortable with it, “Oh, don’t worry about it, I’ve never used my magic against muggles, although, your dwarves so I’m not sure how you would react to magic anyway.”

They sat talking for a while, before Gandalf came in and asked to speak with her. “My dear, would you care to take a walk with me?” 

She quickly said her goodbyes to the dwarves and followed Gandalf out into one of the gardens of Rivendell. 

“I have spoken with Lord Elrond, and I’m afraid that as of this moment, there is no way of sending you and your companion back to your own world.”

Lovell didn’t want to be disappointed, but even she couldn’t hide it from her face, and Gandalf placed his hand on her back, “In due course, we shall find a way to send you home, but I’m afraid there’s nothing we can do about it now.” 

“That’s alright, thanks for thinking about us.”

They continued their walk before stopping outside her room. “I’m going to get changed, but you said Lord Elrond wanted to speak with us? Mina is busy now, but I’ll head to his, office... place?” 

As she walked around, she wished that she had asked Gandalf to wait for her. Why did she think she’d know the way? She hadn’t been here before and she was too embarrassed to ask for directions.

“My Lady, are you lost?” 

She turned slowly, and there stood a blonde elf, and if she was going to drown herself from beauty then this was the elf that she would drown herself for. 

She quickly shook her head. “No, I’m alright, thanks.” She wanted the ground to open and swallow her whole, because she was lost, and she was just too prideful to ask for any help.

“I too am on my way to speak with Lord Elrond, may I show you the way?” 

Lovell nodded. “If anyone asks, I didn’t get lost okay?” 

He chuckled in amusement, taking her hand and placing it on the crook of his elbow. “Of course, my lady.”


End file.
